To start off I just want to say thank you. My blog is my journal and having a safe space to share, express, and vent in a beautiful, creative way means so much to me.
So THANK YOU!
I often flip back to old blog posts and reflect on how much my world has changed. Its nice to have so much of it documented.
I think this is a big part of why I ALWAYS want my creative space to be an unfiltered, honest, and authentic form of expression. Yes the photos and the videos are edited but the content is real and always will be.
So thank you for being apart of my forever evolving journey. You mean everything to me.
As usual I have an update video on my YouTube channel that comes with product reviews. The blog post contains a bit more detail with pictures, I treat it more like a journal. Continue reading and/or check out the video below!
So. Hi, its been a while. Most of my blog posts these days are update posts. But my life is also always updating. I have gotten really good at adapting, I feel like a chameleon!
The last 2 years have been the most chaotic, life changing, difficult, and beautiful years of my life. I have grown A LOT and my life has made a complete 180 (for the better). I never imagined it would turn out this way and I would be where I am today.
I think its natural to not see the light at the end of the tunnel when we are in the midst of our struggles but believe me when I say there is in fact a light. Everything has a way of working itself out. We all have a choice to let chaos destroy us and bring us down OR embrace it and let it be an awesome opportunity to reevaluate, grow, evolve, and make changes.
This summer in particular has cemented the process of trusting the unknown, letting go, and learning to live in the mystery. I have learned that the more I let go and not attempt to control everything the more of what I actually want manifests.
This way of thinking can be difficult. But in all reality we really don't have control, we might think we do, but we don't. Many difficult times in combination with a shit ton of self awareness, a complete shift in my attitude, and a crazy amount of acceptance as well as forgiveness has cemented this way of thinking into my being. But more on that later...
Ultimately these are things I have been practicing for years, but this year I finally let go and amazing things started happening. And the beautiful thing is that as the chaos continues (because it does) I get more tools in my toolbox!
"The purpose of this glorious life is not simply to endure it, but to soar, stumble, & flourish as you learn to fall in love with existence. We were born to live & to love, not to merely exist" - Becca Lee
- JULY -
Meet Masons dad. Gary and I were actually buddies before Mason and I were. I love Gary, we are kindred spirits and have the most epic conversations. Truthfully I love every one of Masons immediate family members. Our families are so much alike it always feels very homey and comfortable.
Beginning of July we attended a pretty rad wedding. Personally I think these pictures are hilarious, Gary makes every event more fun!
At this time we were renting out an overpriced gloomy basement bedroom complete with frequent girl drama, out of control parties, and ridiculous arguments. When I first moved in I didn't realize our roommates would present our first taste at parenting.
Although the environment was incredibly stressful it brought Mace and I closer together - we realized pretty quick that we share the same tolerance level to petty bullshit.
At this time I was ironically taking a communication workshop on having difficult conversations. The coach guided me through a few difficult scenarios and conversations, he really helped me accept that some people choose to stay stuck and thats ok. It was a great reminder that everyone is on their own path/journey and sometimes there is literally nothing you can do but accept where they are at and removing yourself from the situation is the best thing you can do.
Also. Bowser is the most incredibly example of making the most of crazy situations. We really should all strive to live life more like our dogs.
On a very regular Tuesday after work our lives changed massively. We were headed to the grocery store and I told Mason I hadn't been feeling very good. I was also supposed to start my period that week and I was in need of tampons. He suggested maybe getting a pregnancy test instead, which we did.
After 6 positive tests we realized we were pregnant!
The rest of the month we were both pretty dazed by the whole thing. Naturally we went through the denial phase, the overwhelmed phase, and finally the acceptance/excitement phase. It was a very crazy rest of the month. We are both very excited and have been making preparations for parenthood ever since.
I am 14 weeks on Monday, baby is the size of a mouse and sucking the life out of me. I have had the worst morning (24/7) sickness and the fatigue is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I throw up most meals and the anti nausea meds keep me nice and constipated.
My boobs are just now starting to feel normal even though they have doubled in size and my nipples have tripled. No stretch marks yet, but everything is growing - I feel like I've completed an intense ab work out without the pay off of the actual abs.
I can smell EVERYTHING which is both a blessing and a curse. My nails have never looked better and my skin is super dry/sensitive.
Peeing is my new favorite hobby and I am always uncomfortable. Tasks like loading the dishwasher, walking up the stairs, and sitting at work are totally exhausting.
Everything is amplified when you are pregnant, I basically feel like an over sensitive super human.
Honestly pregnancy is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is rough! The symptoms are mad real and unlike anything I have ever experienced. Baby making is a miracle yes, but this is also the reality of what is happening and not all of us feel like a goddess during the first trimester or ever/at all. Some of us are warriors that just have to power through taking it day by day doing the best we can.
I think there is a genuine pressure to not talk to about the symptoms or express how overwhelming being pregnant actually is. Having shitty symptoms doesn't change how I feel about my actual little one but it does suck ass not being able to eat and ending up in the emergency room because of said symptoms is never fun.
I think its important to remember that every one is different and what one person experiences is not going to be what another experiences. This goes for pregnancy as well as parenting. Comparison and judgment is natural but also silly. I think this is something that women experience in general, but holy shit its intense when you are pregnant.
Shout out to all my fellow sisters out there! We power through a lot and our bodies really are incredible.
- AUGUST -
August 18th I hit 24! Mason spoiled me with flowers, hippie soap, and a really beautiful amethyst stone necklace. We took a trip up the beautiful Utah mountains and jammed to music, snuggled, and ate Pb&Js.
My vegetarian days are over. I NEVER thought I would crave a hot dog again but pregnancy changes you. Its definitely not the best meat choice but with my body needing more protein I have caved in to the meat craving and now eat meat in moderation.
My sister Anj moved to San Jose for a really great job opportunity so we threw a big family brunch at my brothers house. It was a blast!
My aunt drove up from Cedar City, my mom and I reunited after a 5 year gap in our relationship, and Mace was able to connect with my crazy family. We all have a brunch addiction so we enjoyed breakfast, coffee, and drinks combined with epic conversation. Obviously I didn't participate in the drinks but seeing Mace take shots with my brother was rad.
I love my family, each and every one of us have had the most ridiculous struggles throughout the years. We have each mastered the art of chaos and self discovery. These peeps are the most sarcastic, wise, intuitive, creative, compassionate, and strong individuals I know. I am so proud of my resilient family and how far we've each come individually and as a family.
After our family brunch my mom and I ended up having an 8 hour conversation about the past. It was really healing and we both were able to express ourselves freely with no judgement. We gained mutual understanding and have since that time started getting to know each other essentially from scratch.
Its been a missing piece in my life for the last 5 years. We ended our relationship when I was 18 so obviously lots has happened and lots has changed for both of us. It has been really great getting to know her and having her energy back in my life.
- SEPTEMBER -
My "Self Love Sunday" spa night has started up again. I just recently made a trip to Lush so stay tuned for an epic Halloween haul coming soon....
Also, Rosy Cheeks is my favorite Lush mask.
This basically brings us to today, we have moved to a 2 bedroom apartment in a lovely community. We are surrounded by trees, ducks, old people, and dogs. Its totally peaceful and gorgeous. We have a bad ass deck Bowser hangs out on and we just bought a bunch of brand new furniture that we hang out on.
Its perfect for where we are at in our lives right now. The safe, secure, and settled feeling is great and something I have been longing for.
This also marks my 3rd move in the last 5 months! High fives for change!
I hope you all had a great summer and are enjoying this yummy fall weather.
Thanks for being here, supporting me, and staying with me on my journey.
I know I dont know each of you personally but I mean it when I express my love and appreciation for you. This platform is everything to me and it wouldnt be the same without you.
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