I have always admired those bloggers out there that are openly honest and true to their readers. Not only because it takes balls to admit to the world that your life isnt as great as your instagram may lead on to be, but because it helps me when I can relate to what there writing about. News flash! My life isnt all smiles and rainbows!
Its been 11 years since my parents divorce and I am still working through my shit. Even through all my wisdom that life and the ranch has so lovingly given me I am still 22 years old. I am still maturing, growing, and learning. Sometimes I need to remember that just because I have been through a lot doesn't mean I should or need to have it all figured out. I think that's one of the joys of life ;)
DISCLAIMER: This blog post might be all over the place.
I have been on what you could call a spiritual and emotional "journey". Religion isn't really my thing but connecting to my spirit and my soul seems to be an underlining topic that keeps coming back to me over and over again. It reminds me of the quote from Albert Einstein.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Well I feel a little insane. I am at a place in life that feels stagnant and lonely. I feel like being in touch with my emotions has always been a good thing when it comes to the eyes of a therapist but sometimes life has a way of making you feel shitty about being self aware and in touch with them. I believe it's because communicating and really being in touch with your emotions is viewed as a weakness in today's world. Its stupid really.
I think we all need to remember that we are human beings with feelings and there is nothing wrong with our feelings. They are ours and they are there for a reason, and that reason is OK.
I am aware of my feelings, my emotions, my tendencies, my strengths, my weakness etc...Its communicating them to the right people, the necessary people, and in a safe place that I struggle with. Lately I just haven't expressed them because it feels like to much work. This is where my issue is. Not expressing myself is causing a disconnect between me and my emotional self. Its shutting me off and making me feel sort of numb.
Imagine a cup that someone is pouring water into. If you aren't taking water out or drinking it as fast as someone is pouring it in, it is going to over fill.
I feel over filled. I feel overwhelmed. I am exhausted in every way and sleep doesn't do anything. My body is so overwhelmed that physical issues have started to join in on the fun and it is no longer just an emotional thing.
Even with all this going on I cant even begin to express how grateful I am for the self awareness my therapy over the years has provided for me. Because of this I am able to notice this disconnect and do something about it. I believe that being aware of this allows the universe to provide opportunities for me that will benefit me if I pay attention.
So being open and trying to remain positive I of course found myself last week at Dancing Cranes ironically during their psychic fair. I got another reading from Denise which was again awesome and lots to chew on. Had an awesome conversation with my sister and have committed to a yoga challenge for the month of September. Yoga with Adriene on YouTube is one of my favorite Yogi instructors. She says...
"Yoga is really the art of waking up. Getting back to the true you. It can be that simple. Yoga offers up a way for us to see a world that is working for you instead of against you."
I love that! She also talks a lot about setting an intention and keeping things real and organic. So that is what I am doing...I am setting an intention to create a connection between me and my spirit/soul through yoga. By doing this I am hoping I can find some inner strength to work on the emotional emptiness going on inside me. I am hoping to connect with others who feel like I do and who believe in some of the same stuff I do. I am looking for emotional healing and want to find a safe place within myself and/or a community of people where I can openly express whats in my heart and work through what I need to work through.
I am doing yoga EVERYDAY during the month of September. My sequences will be shorter on the weekends but I am still doing it every day. I am participating in Erin Motz 10 min "Bad Yogi" Challenge as well as #fallintobackbends on instagram. Along with the 10 min with Erin and a picture everyday for the instagram challenge I am doing a 30-60 min yoga sequence with Adriene on YouTube.
I am sure I will share more as the month goes on. Heres to becoming emotionally, spiritually, and psychically balanced.
Much Love to all of you! NAMASTE!