Because of lifes latest hiccups I haven't really been in the mood to create, ANYTHING. I have made an appearance here and there on the internet but for the most part i've been absent for the last few months. The inspiration, motivation, drive, passion, and thirst for creation just hasn't been there. I think everyone needs some form of expression and/or creation to be happy. I need it to function.
Along with the lack of creativity, I have also experienced some technical difficulties in the YouTube department. After multiple iMovie hiccups and eventually it deleting ALL of my content, I downloaded a free trial of Final Cut. Which worked great until my free 30 day trial was up and I realized it was $300 to continue. For now I have to work with what I have (iMovie) and start over.
In fear of running into the same issues i've deleted iMovie and reinstalled it. I think (I hope) I figured it out. As of now its downloading all of my Disneyland footage from our anniversary trip. It said it was going to take 4 hours to import, so whilst its taking its sweet time I decided to take a look at my blog.
As i'm here, checking it out, looking at how i've branded myself, and ultimately looking at ME at my very best self. I had a really great "feel good" moment. Ive really done an awesome job at creating this space on the internet that represents who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to share with the world. Of course my blog has its imperfections but thats part of what makes it perfect and thats part of what makes it me. So as I toured my own blog, read my about me, updated my faqs page, and looked at my past content it gave me a "sense of self" that felt really good.
I think when life gets shitty its easy to lose yourself in all the chaos. And then from there its easy to feel even shittier about loosing yourself in the chaos. Its a vicious circle of shit and chaos.
I've felt so incredibly lost the last few months that I haven't wanted to do anything but escape via World of Warcraft or by sleeping. Which is a great distraction from the chaos but as we all know life goes on and eventually you have to go back to being a normal functioning human being. This also means facing your struggles.
Having things (like my blog) in life that help ground you, get you back to who you are or who you want to be, and remind yourself of your accomplishments, your dreams, your goals, etc...are what makes the chaos in life feel a little better. Or at least it does for me. I realized today that my blog does that for me, and for that I am grateful.
I had always wanted to start a blog. I wanted a place to express myself freely in hopes that it could be a landing spot for others. I want to be that positive person in someones life that lifts them up and inspires them. I want to share my stories, life experiences, and opinions with my readers and I would love it if it helped someone (ironically when they are feeling like I am now). Until today I never really thought of my blog, my writings, and my space doing that for me. I guess thats what makes this kinda special.
Its nice to know that my blog will always be here, its my space to be me. Its safe, creative, fun, expressive, passionate, sarcastic, and here always for YOU and for ME.
Much love as always