Oh boy. I am bummed to say that Vlogmas wk 3 was a bit of a fail but I am grateful to be taking some much needed time to blog about why.
I shared what I had filmed on my YouTube channel along with some news I am in no way ashamed of.
Week 3 of December I was diagnosed with depression. Not only did I not want to spend time editing my events from that weekend but the medication I am now taking came with some not so fun symptoms the first week or so. YouTube was put on hold to take care of my health whilst my body (and mind) were going through some adjustments.
It is something I have accepted and something I am working on. I will continue to remain open about it because there is no shame in any of it. Many of you reading this struggle with anxiety and/or depression. I am with you, I understand you, and I feel for you.
I have struggled with anxiety for the last few years on and off. Panic attacks, serious social anxiety, and living in constant fear was something I had become "used" to. Although its never really comfortable I had accepted it and foolishly put it on the shelf to deal with later. 2015 pulled one over on me and took my anxiety to greater heights because I refused to deal with my issues and many unfortunate events took place that pushed me over the edge.
It was no longer something I struggled with from time to time. Anxiety became the norm, feeling comfortable became uncomfortable. I had become so used to living in such an anxious state of mind that even when nothing crazy was actually happening externally, it was internally.
2015 was a wake up call in many ways. One of the biggest realizations I had was that I have spent the last 3 years ignoring my intuition. My belief is that when you ignore your mind, body, soul, etc...your body starts to yell at you louder and in different ways to get your attention. For me it manifested itself with more and more anxiety, weekly panic attacks, a very expensive trip to the hospital, insomnia, and my body going some days without eating.
Not a healthy or happy way to be living.
2015 was the wake up call that I needed. I am making much healthier choices, listening to my inner guide, connecting with my spirituality, and making many strides to better my life and my surroundings.
I apologize for not getting VLOGMAS WK 3 out on time but I know you all will be understanding.
If you want to check out what I did film click > HERE <
In other news, I have been working on my 2015 year end video. Its not fun to edit but I know one day I will be glad I put it together. 2015 was bittersweet and I am so ready to leave it behind. I dont know when it will be completed, hopefully soon. Its incredibly painful but its also incredibly healing. So we will see what happens with it. TBD.
I will also have my 2015 year end thoughts coming to you in blog form sometime this month.
So stay tuned!
Much love to all of you. I hope you all know how much I appreciate and adore you. My subbies are so incredible, many of you have checked in with me and I cannot tell you how much that means to me.