The phrase "when it rains, it pours" seems exceptionally fitting for the last few months. Not just because its been conveniently really rainy and stormy here in Salt Lake City, but because shit has hit the fan lately and life's been really messy.
The last few months have been real difficult, I keep thinking "what the fuck is the universe trying to teach me". The other day when I was sitting in my car because of a flat tire I was reminded of Mercury Retrograde.
Yes, Mercury fucking Retrograde. The biggest douche bag the universe created that stops by our doorstep a few times a year to mess up our world a little bit, keep us on our toes, and remind us of what life is really about. Its a time for growth, change, expansion, patience, and a beautiful amount of chaos. Its like Aunt Flo's bitchy older sister who thinks she knows it all, and secretly she does.
Ive felt the effects of mercury retrograde before but for me its usually pretty delicate. Ive never really taken it seriously up until now. In the past its just been something to keep in mind. I keep the dates logged away and during that time I don't sign any contracts, call up my internet provider wanting better service, or take anything anyone says that might hurt my feelings to personally. With how the last few months have gone and all the moments i've questioned my karma iv'e started doing more research into Mercury Retrograde. Heres what i've learned!
So....what the heck is Mercury Retrograde?
Mercury Retrograde happens a few times a year. Its when Mercury creates the illusion that it is going backwards. When a planet goes retrograde (which they all do), whatever that planet represents gets a little funky.
Mercury for example represents communication, formal contracts, agreements, important documents, travel, transportation, technology, and communication. When Mercury is in retrograde its like a fog of stupidity that everyone experiences and most of us don't realize it. Communication is funky, we take things personally, we say things we dont mean, we have a hard time listening and paying attention. This is a shitty time sign any contracts or agreements. Negotiating, selling, buying etc...is a bad idea during Mercury Retrograde. Deeds, contracts, wills, important documents, and so forth can get jumbly and messy during this time. Technology seems to get messed up periodically during this time. Transportation and travel gets delayed and/or interrupted.
These things that Mercury represents basically get a little out of control when Mercury is in retrograde.
Gala Darling explains Merucry Retrograde saying "It’s like everyone you know has suddenly gone mad! You might find yourself getting into bizarre arguments about nothing at all, being unable to finish sentences or barely even able to form a coherent thought. Your computer and other electronic equipment is more likely to go on the fritz. You could experience travel delays, too. Double-check your flights and take a book with you to keep you occupied while you wait for the train! We don’t tend to get all the information we need at this time, so it can be hard to make big decisions and it’s not always the best time to sign a contract, either."
Alot of you reading this will really be able to relate to it and some of you will read on thinking I am a nut case. Which is totally cool either way. Its definitely something to consider, maybe keep the dates in mind and pay attention to how you feel during our next Mercury Retrograde (dates below). Because this time around has been exceptionally crazy for me I would love to share my experience with you.
Like I previously mentioned, the only real effects from Mercury Retrograde that I had experienced up until now was in the technology department. Every time Mercury goes into Retrograde since I have been at my current job the computer, scanner, printer, phone, etc...gets weird. No joke, when it acts up its during Mercury Retrograde. Every time.
I believe I heard about Mercury Retrograde whilst searching google for advice on fixing our printer when I discovered it might be the universe rather then our really nice Canon printer. So like I said, Mercury Retrograde was something I paid little attention to but did keep it logged away in my mind.
So to connect the dots. April was a difficult month because of the loss of someone very dear to me, and the abandonment of the relationship I HAD with my father. It was a month of great loss, lots of tears, and troubling feelings. I hadnt realized it was Mercury Retrograde until May hit and shit seemed to just hit the fan. In May I learned that I have Asthma and the horrible Epstein Barr Virus which causes chronic fatigue and mono flair ups (which has been currently active for the last few months).
Of course the technology at my work got funky, my internet at home was slower then ever, my phone started turning off randomly, imovie deleted all my open projects, downloading final cut to find a solution took two days with all the issues I ran into, etc...etc....you get the idea. Throw in a heavy dose of taking this personally, feeling over emotional, having dumb arguments with those around me, and feeling extremely misunderstood I was experiencing Mercury Retrograde at its finest.
To top it all off I get a flat tire last Monday on my way to work.
Then last Wednesday I learned some of the most disturbing news to date, which I wont share with the class but I will sum it up with being lied to, manipulated, disrespected, and having my insecurities taken advantage of for a the last year from someone I am very close to. Along with that a chunk of my past was brought into my present which was a very large trigger for trauma that I still haven't dealt with.
The last few months have just been difficult. I have had a constant knot in my stomach and I feel like everyone close to me has just thrown up all over me.
So I know this all sounds like I am complaining but stick with me for a bit. I sat in my car with the flat tire and started crying, I felt totally bummed out with everything life's hit me with. After a while I started to smile, which seems odd but I realized this is just life, this is the beauty of it, this is me dealing with my shit, this is me growing, changing, becoming a stronger women. This is just another opportunity. I realized it was just Mercury in Retrograde and there are important life lessons to be learned.
I thought of going with the flow, not reacting, thinking positively, and that as much as this all sucks right now how proud my beautiful Grandma would be of me. I will come out of this stronger. During all these hardships I have also been dealing with the loss of my best friend and greatest supporter. I was experiencing every emotion one could possibly feel at one time. After this is all over I will be a better version of me thats had a bit more practice dealing with the shit life throws at you from time to time. And I will be better prepared for the next round. This is a blessing and Grandma is looking down cheering me on!
Mercury Retrograde really is a kick in the face but its a great kick in the face. Yes it messes with our daily activities, our emotions, and creates a crazy amount of chaos in our lives but when it goes back to its normal state we are left stronger. Things are out in the open ready to be dealt with. There is a sense of clarity and confidence if you work it to your advantage.
Mercury Retrograde provides an excellent opportunity to take a step back and re evaluate our lives. I think of it like a great opportunity for a little spring cleaning in all the areas of life. Its a kick ass time to wrap up any projects, contact some old friends, take some time to journal write, clean out your closet (literally and metaphorically), organize your house, stay open to what you are meant to learn during this time, and take some time to take care of YOU!
A DIY spa night might be just what you are needing! Mercury Retrograde is the greatest excuse to sit down, relax, re group, re evaluate, and get back to your roots.
Think about it like a time for review.
Mercury Retrograde has been in full swing since May 15, luckily it came to an end June 11. The next dates for Mercury Retrograde is September 17-October 9 2015.
My advice: Work out your shit so that Mercury Retrograde doesn't have to push you into its BS coming up this September. And if it does, count your blessings, remember you are strong, you are loved, and you will get through this. "Life is a beautiful struggle", appreciate the chaos, and move forward.
"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be."
I love you all, thanks for being here.