Are you ready people? The typical new year posts are coming!
I am so ready for this year to be over haha! 2013 has been rough but its also been one of the most rewarding years of my life!
I have a love hate relationship with 2013. It kicked my ass and it was one of those years where you are forced to take a serious hard core look at yourself, your past, present, future and your surroundings. I think those times in life where you really have to re-group are the most important milestones of your life. Years like this one are the ones that mold and shape who you are and who you are becoming.
Looking back on what my "goal" was for 2013 I accomplished it! This is what I posted on my tumblr last year....
"I feel its important to remember the past.
5 years ago I would have given anything to forget everything that was going on in life, ignore it, and forget it. Now I realize the importance of remembering everything you have been through, its important to remember that life happened to you, it continues to happen to you, and the way it is and has impacted you. Not only is it important to remember the good times but the shitty times.
I feel like my life is broken up into chapters in a book, each chapter is a different opportunity and a different life experience. I feel each chapter gives me the opportunity to be someone else, go through different things, and live life in different ways from all different points of view. I feel all the different lives I have lived and will continue to live are going to be a huge part of who I will be someday.
Its good to reflect on the different chapters and lives we live and to think and remember how our lives have changed and how we have molded because of these chapters. It is important to be grateful for these life experiences.
I need to write more about how I felt pre treatment, during treatment, and after treatment. I feel I have worked so hard to get where I am today and because of that I have become to focused on being positive that I have forgotten to find the beauty in the negative.
My goal for 2013 is to create a new chapter in my life and to document my experiences and how I felt in all the different chapters I have lived."
-I created a new milestone and a new chapter.
-I reflected more on pre, during, and after treatment more then ever this year.
-I found the beauty in the negative.
-I ruled out stress by accepting and acknowledging that it exists, and by then taking control of my life and my surroundings.
-I used expression to get through tough and discouraging times.
-Figured out what being an artist is really all about and did my first art show!
-Made new friends.
-I documented my experiences from January 1 to December 25! I filmed bits and pieces. I edited it, added music, etc...and taa daa!
Here it is...
So for those wanting an in depth look at my struggles over 2013 and some sound advice for shitty situations read on...
This year I overloaded myself with to much to fast, I took on to many projects and was worried to much about pleasing everyone else that I forgot about myself. I have so many aspirations I get a little carried away with trying to do them ALL at once.
To add to that there are ALWAYS those that do their best to bring you down which for me actually works when I am in a stressed state of mind. Because of this I have been forced to cut a lot of people out of my life which has been a really great thing for my sanity, confidence, self respect, and my inner peace but its a shit thing to do.
It all started late last year when I quit my last job because we moved into our first house. Surprisingly there was more drama there than any other job I had ever worked at. Even though it was filled entirely with men. They all had the biggest egos and were intimidated by women with ideas and leadership skills. Basically there was no room there for me to thrive. I had a lot to offer and it was just discouraging being there every day.
I realized really quick that working there was damaging my self esteem and quick! Which ended up being good (funny…yes?). At this time I NEEDED an expressive outlet more then ever, and thank god because it gave me that extra push in photography. I felt like I had all these opinions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas that wanted to get out of me and life stresses were getting the best of me and doing a great job at keeping me down.
After months of just trying to be positive and hoping something would come along I got a call from my old job at the dance studio which I LOVED but had to leave because I moved. My boss who was amazing to work with offered me my old job back and I took it right then and there and gave my two weeks at the other place.
Elite is amazing! I get to work with strong, independent, fun, women who accept me for me and respect and appreciate what I bring to the table! Working there is perfect for me, I work 4-8 Monday -Thursday so I have plenty of time for photography and blogging!
On top of all the work stress I was dealing with a lot of personal BS that just overloaded me with all kinds of stress and above average anxiety attacks and sleeping problems.
I think because of all the stress this year I hit a breaking point December and just crashed. Luckily Christmas happened which meant I got two weeks off from life and could just sit at home doing nothing but blog, sleep, and play WOW. The break from life has been nice, and I have been able to just escape, reflect, and let go. During this time I thought of what I learned this year and what 2013 had to offer...
1. We all have different skill sets and everyone has something to bring to the table. DON'T let people bring you down or make you feel worthless.
2. You DON'T need to take peoples shit and its OK to stand up for yourself. It doesn't matter if its work, family, friends etc..if its negative its negative. I think Daniell Koepke says it best...
"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance - you don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. Its one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go."
3. Expression is so important! Everyone expresses there feelings differently but we all do it. For me its through photography and blogging. I feel so alive when I am bringing inspiration to other peoples lives and helping people. I have to have a creative outlet!
4. Make friends, even though my old job was shitty I met some very cool people! Some of them I will never see again and some that will be apart of my life forever. Friendship is what got me through this year. It kept me laughing and not taking all the stress so seriously.
5. Give yourself a high five every once in a while! You need to treat yourself and give yourself daily affirmations! If you dont treat yourself with respect why should anyone else?
6. At the end of the day you deserve to be happy. Yes we all have bills to pay. Yes we need to make money to be able to support our family and put food on the table. BUT if it is at the expense of your happiness something needs to change. Like one of my dear friends at the ranch always said “If you want something different, do something different.” This is YOUR life and YOU have control over it. I am not saying quit your job right then and there but throw some positive vibes out into the world and do some research to help your situation.
7. Be positive! I am a firm believer in speaking things into existence. The mind is powerful! Even when things are tough if you can remain positive throughout it things will work out and fall into place. Be patient and be positive.
8. You can do anything you want! Period. No explanation needed.
9. Help others. When you are down, frustrated, or stressed do something great for someone else! What goes around comes around peeps!
I think the biggest thing I learned in 2013 was that there is a balance in EVERYTHING. So my goal for 2014 is to have more balance in my life.
I hope all you bitches have a great New Years! Lets make 2014 the shit!
Love you always!
*Thumbnail found on tumblr